Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Day 5

I cant write much tonight because I still have to study for a test tomorrow and it's gonna be a hard one. I talked to Gabe today and told him how I felt about the whole D thing. He said he understood and he gets my reasons and all but he didnt say that he would stop. I mean common if I can stop accepting calls from my ex then he as DAMN well as can too. So in other words, I got hurt again. Now I'm just all confused and jumbled up inmy head. After talking to him, I went for a jog because it helps me to clear my head. I ended up with an even bigger mess then what I started with. For one thing, I hate that i got hurt by such a small thing. That bugs me that something like that hurt me. Am I overreactign to the situation or do I have every right to feel that way? It just fustrates me so much that I feel this way. And I'm not the type of person that gets their feelings hurt easily and even when I do it's like no big deal, just blow it off my shoulder. Why can't I do that this time? Maybe he is just too young and inmature for this whole thing. Should I just break it off with him? I really dont want to. I wanna give him a chance to change and turn around. But what if he doesnt change or doesnt even want to turn his ways around. Is that a reasonable reason to go. I know what Im gonna do. Im gonna do whats best for me. And if he's not whats good for me then I'm just gonna have to say "I'm out". But I wanna make that a last resort. I'm not one to give up on people that easily. But it is true that some people won't change or can only do so to a certain extent. So I guess I'm gonna stick it out for a little bit just to see if he's even gonna try/ make any progress. I've gotten over a guy before and I can get another one if I have to. Not that I want to but I know that I can and that it's not that hard... well it is hard but manigable when you suround yourslef with friends that really do care about you and will be there for ya...(Abby ;)). Thats it for tonight. I gotta get back to studying. Night...
P.S: question... why do I always fall for the jerks/assholes??? it's a mystery...

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Day 4

Awesome job Saints!!!!! That game was actually worth watching. Haha...Hope everyone enjoyed their superbowl weekend? Anyways, my man did comeover which was pretty fun. We watched the game in my garage and played football during halftime and fuzball here and there. Overall it was pretty fun.Although something did happen that makes me concerned about Gabe and I. Let me explain...
I told you already how Gabe broke up with his ex named D right? Well when I left in the house to use the restrooms, I came back and noticed that he was gone for like 20 minutes talking on the phone. I was wondering who he was talking to so I went out to go see. I came out and he seemed like he wanted to hide something so I just straight out asked "Who are you talking to?" He just said "nobody..." But he's smiling and laughing and all so I just said hello close to the phone and he was like "shhhh...D will hear you.." " why you talkin to her again???" I said. "cuz she called me.." And in my head Im thinking why would you answer the phone knowing that you were hurt by this person and are trying to move on supposedly with someone you love. That person that would be me. All the sudden, D hangs up on him and it's probably because she heard my voice in the background. Then he has the ordasity to say " why you gotta be so loud? she heard you". Then I ask him what he's trying to hide and he just says that hes not hiding anything. I just dont wanna hurt her feelings. " Oh sure... he worries about hurting her feelingsm the girl who cheated on him and lied, then hurt my feelings, the person that he supposedly loves and wants to be with. Then I ask him to tell me that he loves me. " I love you!" I looked straight into his dark mahogany-brown eyes and saw the truth.
The truth is... he does love me, but a part of him still loves and has feelings for D. I felt a pain in my heart right there and then... and let me tell ya... that RARELY happens. I was hurt by that, but how could I blame him. I dont even think he even realizes that he still has a place for her left in his heart. But love takes time... and he did love her for a long time and I know from experience to know that when you love someone like that, it does not just go away that fast even when you want it to disappear. Even if they hurt you and your'e the one that decided to go, you just cant help but still have that left over feeling for them. That happened to me when I broke up with my ex Gevorg. But then I found Gabe and hes was there for me and cheering me up. And I had already knew that he liked me so I said to myself " this guy really likes me and I like him. It would not be fair of me to keep lingering onto Gevorg when he doesnt deserve my love when right here in front of me is this guy. And he deserves my love more then Gevorg." So thats when I decided to not even pursue him. I stopped answering his calls and would only talk to him about school cuz I knew that that would be the only way that I can get over him fast and if at all. And you know what it totally worked.
After I looked into his eyes, I just said ok. And then he goes "ok what? What do you mean??" I just said "nothing" and walked backed in the garage to watch the game. He doesnt even know that I saw that in him. He then just goes Oh my God tell me and I just said "its nothing lets finish watching the game". We finished watching the game, but the thought of what I saw just kept lingering in my head. And I hated that it was bohtering me so much. If anything I should understand right? since I've gone through the same thing. But it's hard!
After he left, one of his friends that was also there and knew what was goin on sent me a message over Facebook sayin "dont be mad". I responded Im not mad Im just a lil sad. And he goes on to tell me that I shouldnt be sad either cuz Gabe does love me and not D and that he wants to be with me and not her cuz she hurt him. I explained to him what I saw in his eyes and why I think that. He understood but still thinks that I have nothing to worry about. Even though his friend said all those good things about how much he goes on about me to him and his family, and that all his friends like me sooooo much better then her ( they cant emphasize it enough)I still just feel sad and depressed that he's risking our relationship by talking to her still. If you readers want, I can explain my reasons tomorrow.
It's late. I'm tired. And I gotta get rest for school tomorrow. College is no joke.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Day 3

First let me apologize for not blogging for a long time. My labtop decided to be stubburn and wouldnt let me access the internet. Anyway, it's the night before the Superbowl. I'm having a bunch of people over my house to watch the game. I'm looking forward though to this one guy in particular. His name is Gabriel. He told me a while back ago that he liked me. I didn't feel the same for him at all. To me he was one of my best guy friends. Well, most of my friends are guys but he was like one the closest ones I had. You know the kind with whom you can talk about anything and feel so relaxed and happy when your around them? Thats what he was to me. Until recently when I found myself having and needing to see him even if it was just for 5 minutes or a whole night. I just had to. Then I finally told him, " Gabe, I'm startin to like you... as more then just my best friend." He got excited and just said "so what do we do now?". Well we cant tell my parents anything cause mine would just panic or have some kind of psycho-billy-freakout. His family on the other hand already knew that he liked me. And then eventually, they all knew that we like each other. I couldnt believe it, his sisters and bro-in-law knew and his parents but they are all happy about it. They like me so much more then his last girlfriend I guess. Which by the way is a whole other story.
You see... Gabe was dating this girl named D.( I will only use initials)One day I found out from a reliable source that she was dating this other guy named A. This source didn't even know that D was dating my friend Gabe. But when she told me that D is boyfriend-girlfriend with A, I was just shocked. SO I told Gabe right away. I felt that as his best friend, he needed to know what was going on. He was so devastated and upset. I didnt know what to do but he just said that he needed to be alone. I hated how I felt but I knew I did the right thing. I would want him to do the same for me. He broke up with her after they've been fighting about it for over 3 months, which I thought was just ridiculous but whatever.
After he broke up with D, he told me that he has feelings for me and you know the rest. So now that his family knows, we're just waiting for the right time to actually start dating and tell my parents. It's complicated. He's still in High School. I started college already. So ya there's an age difference. He's 17 and I'm 18. I hate that though, feel like I'm a cougar. :p. He says age is just a number and he is right but it still bugs me that I'm older. I've always gone for older guys. He's the first one thats younger than me. So I hate it when people ask how old we are. I get so embarressed and usually things like that dont bother me but this time it does. His lil bro says he likes me way better then D cuz I actually talk to him and involve him in our activities. I guess she is like some kind of emo girl that keeps to herself alot. I dont know what Gabe ever saw in her but thats his business.
So superbowl is tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. Are you guys? I'm going for the New Orleans Saints. I prefer Kim Kardashian over Kendra Wilkinson. We brunettes gotta stick together against the blondes... just kidding I just picked the team over with a flip of a coin. Hahaha. Enjoy your night. I have to take a shower so that I can smell good for my man tomorrow. LOL!!! Laterz ya'll..

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Day 2

Ever been stuck in a love triangle? I'm in one right now, involuntarily may I add, and it sucks. Although I think it would be easier on everyone that's involved if I just bounced and moved on. I've done it before and I can do it again. It was rough but it's not impossible. Just recently I had to move on from someone else. I cared about him a lot. I mean a lot more then I should have. I honestly don't know if he truly felt the same way about me but I know I did about him. He still gives me mixed signals but I think he has moved on. Or maybe hes pretending to cause he thinks that I've moved on. Whatever the case is, I'm still not 100% over him but I am a lot closer there then I was before. We're still friends and all but it's still kinda hard to pretend that the past never happened and that everything that you've done for each other, with each other and said to each other never happened. But what choice do I have. If I wanna move on to love someone else then I guess I'm gonna have to learn from this and move on. Leave the past in the past. That's my advice for today.Until next time...
P.S: If anybody has questions for me about anything, I'd be more then happy to answer them for you. You can be anonymous if you'd like too.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Day 1

First day of blogging. Never done anything like this before. I've kept diaries and journals in the past but never kept up with them. Someone always has to try to find dirt and stir up the trouble. As if I need anymore drama in my life.

I graduated High School early and started College less then a month later. I attend Kaplan College-North Hollywood and I'm majoring in X-Ray Technologist and Radiology Tech right after. I wanna get ahead of my friends in the game. No time to waste with the economy these days. I'm already half way through the program. I start my externship in March.

My personal life is way to complicated to explain. All I can say is this... I never got along with my father and I do not agree with his lifestyle and his business dealings. He hasnt talked or even looked at me since he found out that I had a boyfriend at school. My mom ...well, she does her best but she's very fragile and had a hard time raising me with postpartum depression so my Grandmother basically taught me everything. My sister is chill. She prefers to keep to herself most of the time. It's probably for the better with our disoriented family. She is considered to be a dark and detached when it comes to feelings. No body ever knows how or what shes feeling. It's like wearing a poker face. And my brother is cool too. I fight with him the most but I also get along with him the best. He doesnt like to deal with family issues. But I dont blame him. Who would? He has big dreams. He wants to go pro in the BMX and Motorcross indusrty. He's actually pretty good but my family does not support him watsoever in that decision.

A little more about me. Ummm. I ride dirt bikes. I have a 150 Honda. I like to draw, mainly sketch. I like to listen to rock music such as Three Days Grace, Seether, Saving Abel, Sick Puppies, 12 Stones, Rise Against and some other stuff like Slipknot and Linkin Park, Lifehouse. I will pretty much listen to almost everything but my favs are rock and metal bands. I'm the kind of girl that gets along better with guys then with girls. Fact is most all of my friends are guys except for 2. My best friend is a guy. He's actually 8 years older then me but I''ve known him for a long long time. My style would have to be casual with individuality. I am a strong believer in the the idea that women can do whatever that a guy can. I hate the idea of being weak. I'm all for independance and freedom of choice. Thats all I can think of right now. Till next time...Laterz